Ninie Ahmad: Off her yoga mat.

In 2006, I wrote this on The Yoga Instructor Diaries.

To Whom It May Concern,

It’s been weeks since you left me.

Eversince; I had to manage to do things on my own, lived in total mess, cried over my pillow, blamed everything on everyone around me and when all else failed, I tried to shut my mind and wished that I could fly or just die, leaving all this behind.

Yes, I was in a bad shape.
I was in total mess.
I lost my head.
And I had no one to talk to.

For weeks, I struggled to survive. I forced myself to smile, to stay calm, to act like I’ve got everything under control when I can’t even think of surviving another day, in one piece. It hurts so bad to miss someone who is so important in my life.

That was until yesterday, when there arrived Someone New;

The new person is nothing really, compared to YOU.
You were the best, the very best I’ve ever had in my entire lifetime.
You definitely made my life easier.
You helped me so much, took care of everything I ever needed
that when you left, I can barely stand on my own feet.

Don’t be surprised, the new person is even younger than me, but I can’t ask for too much right now. Yes, that someone new is trying SO hard to please me and my needs, but only You understand that I am one complicated girl and that it takes time to adapt into my lifestyle and to do things for me just the way I want them to be done, but since I can’t do it on my own anymore, I just had to give in.

Thanks for all the kindness, love and help you showered me over the past years. Though now I may already have someone new, I could have never forgotten YOU.

I know you might think I never did appreciate you, maybe I didn’t say enough Thank You’s, maybe I didn’t show how much I cherished having you in my life, but I really do.

I’m sorry that we didn’t have a proper goodbye. I just can’t stand watching you walk out from my door, afraid that I’ll beg you to stay – even the both of us knew, that just can’t happen. I’ve held you for too long. Before I trouble you even more, I know I had to let you go..

Really, my dearest Bibik Nama..
(sorry for I used to make fun of your name too, those “_ _ _ _ _, bibik kau nama apa?“, “Sumpah, nama dia Nama!“)

.. you’ll always be in my mind, heart and prayer.
Thanks again for everything you’ve done to my house and my family.
Everytime the new maid makes my coffee a little too sweet for my liking or uses up my organic carrots to make curry puff filling,
I sure will miss you badly.
And may God bless you, always.

Me (Yes, I know I’m cute),
Eldest Daughter Of This Family,
Lucky Garden, Bangsar.

She came back and work for us in 2008 until she fell sick late last year and requested to be sent home to Jakarta. My parents visited her last month and her family broke the news that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer Stage IIIB.

In midst of BE Yoga Open Day and Project Alpha shooting yesterday, I received news that Bibik Nama passed away Saturday night after losing the quiet battle with cancer.

Innalillahi-wainnalillahi raji’un.

May God rest her in better place as she is one of the kindest and most caring person I have met in my life.