As much as I feel good about my body and loving (almost) everything I see in the mirror – I have insecurities about my body too, trust me!

While I think I look better without clothes (who else will say that about my body, right ?), I can’t help but to feel like giving up TOO whenever I come across this beautiful set of low-key studio photos of LA yoga teacher / arm balancing rockstar  Kathryn Budig by photographer Jasper Johal for Toesox.

Heck I’d pose with nothing but engineered socks too if I looked like THAT!

And so to regain my confidence (you know how it feels like when people say you look so fit but you feel sooooo fat), I checked back my Asana studio photoshoots done with a couple of photographers some time ago posing almost unintendedly similar poses!

1st & 2nd photo by Napie Moksin, top & pants by adidas for Stella McCartney; 3rd photo by Joe Low, top by adiShe & pants by adidas Techfit Powerweb

Ok ok, I take that back.

I forgot that I love my body and what I can do with it but I (like, really) hate my STRETCHMARKS!

I am now ready to let go of the unnecessary happiness I did onto myself, to share what I am on this life for, to heal my toxic environment and to love as if there is no tomorrow..

We were exchanging stories about yoga retreats in India  from what I read in Eat, Love, Pray spiced with secondhand experience from my fellow yoga teachers and her firsthand experience of having been to India earlier this year following this ‘dream’ she had one night.

She was sharing her share of ‘wanting to change‘ and ‘seeing the light‘ upon being there, as I shared my fear of, ‘what happens IF I don’t want to drive a car, wear fancy adidas yogawear and get married anymore?‘ upon returning back from India if I can collect enough guts to actually go to India (Mysore hopefully) in the nearest future.

We had a good laugh yet painful reality check as we traded and agreed on this irony,

• Sue opened her restaurant and shortly after, developed gastric problem she never had before AND
• I, opened a yoga centre and immediately after, my stress level shot so high that my body (immune system) is attacking almost everything I eat!

Given a choice now, I will be happier to stick to simply teaching yoga as when money is involved, it gets ugly.

Having announced that though, I would NOT trade this experience of having sold my car to keep BE Yoga alive, having sacrificed my dignity and sanity to ensure my team loves and looks yoga, having met wonderful people and angels in human form as I crawl my way up and struggle for another breath when I’m on the brink of drowning – for anything else in the world and I am very excited to face what else is lined up for me, BRING IT ON!

This tunnel I am still driving through still seems endless and so far, I am not sure if I have enough fuel to reach its end but I am sure I will still have my spine and my breaths to keep me alive.

This bumpy road (and expensive highway tunnel) will definitely make me a stronger yogi, a more humble yoga teacher and a better person when I do see the light and rainbow (in form of WETHER investment returned, being a personal yoga instructor to British rockstars ;D, getting to volunteer at a remote orphanage as long as I could OR even settling down as a mother with two beautiful daughters, I don’t know and get ever so curious) at the end, I’m sure.

I breathe this wisdom by one of the greatest yoga teacher in this lifetime (I hope I will be lucky enough to meet), Guruji Iyengar – everytime I feel so drained, tired and low

“Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.”

and I move by the love and kindness around me anytime I feel I have nothing else to smile for.

Love, hope and optimism (for RM400,000 to fall from my sky this weekend).

Do catch him (or even bombard him with groupie calls) if you can, 11.30pm on 8tv / Astro CH 708.

Henry has been like a younger brother to me (he is only 22, making me feel like 40!) and I remember him arriving in KL somewhere April 2008 with only a bagpack. It did not take long for his Brit charm and celup looks to take over KL and Malaysian TV.

Beyond the glittering fame and his goofy personality, he really is a wonderful person to have as a friend. I truly am honoured to have known him and to be able to say, I have seen Henry (and his obscene shoes collection) more than anyone else in KL will ever do.

Young one, you will be sorely missed.

Good bye and good luck for ESPN (ok ok, I used to watch ESPN because of Rashid Salleh ) & Singapore.

Just brace yourself Henners, there won’t be housemates as flexible & muscular and Khanna Curry House on Sunday afternoons for sho’!