As much as I feel good about my body and loving (almost) everything I see in the mirror – I have insecurities about my body too, trust me!

While I think I look better without clothes (who else will say that about my body, right ?), I can’t help but to feel like giving up TOO whenever I come across this beautiful set of low-key studio photos of LA yoga teacher / arm balancing rockstar  Kathryn Budig by photographer Jasper Johal for Toesox.

Heck I’d pose with nothing but engineered socks too if I looked like THAT!

And so to regain my confidence (you know how it feels like when people say you look so fit but you feel sooooo fat), I checked back my Asana studio photoshoots done with a couple of photographers some time ago posing almost unintendedly similar poses!

1st & 2nd photo by Napie Moksin, top & pants by adidas for Stella McCartney; 3rd photo by Joe Low, top by adiShe & pants by adidas Techfit Powerweb

Ok ok, I take that back.

I forgot that I love my body and what I can do with it but I (like, really) hate my STRETCHMARKS!

It is unbelievable how much junks I have collected all these years.

How many pairs of shoes I have.

How many dresses I have only worn once.

How I kept buying jeans in hope that one day I will find that one pair that makes me feel like a million dollars.

How many hair products and perfume bottles I needed to feel clean and complete.

As much as I want to let go of everything I ever own and start my life afresh abroad, I figured that I still can’t live (fine, at the risk sounding shallow – leave my house) without:

• my electric toothbrush
• Lady Speed Stick
• Gilette Venus razors (am still not ready to be au naturale. Should I decide to go to India for a year, I’ll save up to have permanent hair removal first, LOL!)
• M.A.C Mineralizer concealer, foundation, loose powder, blusher – to look like a woman human
• any mascara (washable all the way since I don’t want to care about eye make-up remover) for survival

(yes, I am seriously going to try and wash my face + hair + body with simply any soap. I figure I will still live, if not live happier . And I discovered something, all the Kiehl’s and L’Occitane don’t make me stand on my hands longer, do you?)

And that’s all I am bringing with me.

.   .   .   .   .   .

Nevertheless (come on, be real!) to be accepted in a civilised community, I have to bring

• 5 pairs of Thai / Balinese fisherman pants (with heavy heart, I’m giving up engineered adidas Techfit tights) & 5 literally-no-frills spaghetti strap tops for teaching / practicing
• 3 (they are different colors to match the above articles!) Lululemon HOLY GRAIL sportsbras I discovered in Toronto and I am sooo looking forward to being able to not wear bras at all [when I'm not teaching a yoga class, that is] outside of Malaysia, like I have for the past couple of weeks – so liberating!
• my tennis & rockclimbing shoes
• 2 pairs of jeans (they don’t have to be washed every week time I wear them, right?), 2 sundresses, 3 pairs of sunglasses  & 3 pairs of bikini (they weigh like nothing so bringing 3 each IS alright )
• 1 drawstring linen pants, 1 khaki hot pants, 1 stonewash denim mini skirt, 1 boyfriend (or motorcycle? I can’t decide) jacket, 1 hoodie sweater
• TWO flat pumps*, TWO pairs of high heels* (in case of Academy Awards invitation emergency), ONE flip flop* & ONE practical handbag*= * I’m sceptical I’d be able to bring only the underlined too but I promise my spine I will try my very best
  
• Complete 6 Seasons of Sex And The City (if I ever feel lonely – without my girlfriends, I mean!)
• laptop + charger, digital camera + charger, handphone + charger & international power transmitter for that matter
• Moleskine watercolor + Daler Bowney color palette + 3 crucial brushes
• The Kor’an & Kor’an’s translation in English
• Yoga Sutra of Patanjali, Anatomy of Hatha Yoga & The Language (A to Y) of Yoga
• Maha Sodhana Level II DVD with Dharma Mittra & Ashtanga Intermediate Series DVD with Kino MacGregor for daily practice
• 8 copies of SHAPE M’sia November ‘09 I still have (as yoga portfolio)
• Lululemon travel yoga mat in Bandhas yoga mat bag (they are both presents from my boyfriend , can I just pack him in my suitcase too?)

and I’m leaving and should I reveal now, selling EVERYTHING ELSE behind.

You read me right – all my 3(0?) shoeracks of high heels, whole wardrobe of adidas by Stella McCartney & adidas Originals jackets, obscene array of yoga mats & adidas futsal shoes, half a library of books (that I thought would make me smarter), my treasured set of pots & pans , my bedroom set (matching queen bed + wardrobe + dressing table + queen mattress), my TV and they will all be available for The Banned Yoga Instructor’s Moving Out (Of The Country) Sale.

Unless they are my bedroom set, my pots & pans and 29′ TV, nothing else’s going to be over RM80 – I guarantee

Stay tuned to this space for time & date especially if you are an XS / UK 6 / US 0 or 2 / shoe size 35 or 36.

Nuffnang must have lost their mind – for putting the most NOT-bankable blogger me in the same league with Malaysia and Singapore’s most famous bloggers!

Well, if we are going to state the things we DON’T have in common first, of course -

• I don’t have nail-art nails, errrr.. long blonde hair and blue eyes (?)
• I don’t (know how to?) Photoshop & waterwark ALL my photos
• I don’t have tens of thousand visitors a day, AND
• I don’t cash in tens of thousand ringgit from Nuffnang every month too

OBVIOUSLY

.. so in case you guys haven’t noticed,

..we are of the same height!

To find out more about Cheesie and to witness she does look AS GOOD without Photoshop anyway, watch her episodes in Project Alpha website or at my sidebar. You will feel less of a girl or fall in love with all things Chees(i)e soonafter!

I swear her hair smells sweet + lovely ALL THE TIME (or at least when I was beside her)!

Having had my Cheesie marathon earlier, I am partly excited and mostly nervous about how will MY episodes look like! Kyanite and Nuffnang – be kind!

Project Alpha Season 2, a reality TV show uncovering Malaysia’s top bloggers is made possible by:

Main Sponsor : Adidas Action 3
Official Broadband Sponsor : P1
Official Flight Sponsor : Malaysia Airlines
Official Cosmetics Sponsor : Rimmel
Official Hair & Make Up Sponsor : A Cut Above
Official Media Partner : Hitz FM & Era FM
Official Social Networking Site : Ruumz
Hotel Sponsors : 360Kuching & Millennium Hotel Group
Online News Portal : The Daily Chilli

.  .  .  .  .  .

Oh, and if anyone’s interested – all the dresses I wore in this entry are TENNIS DRESSES from adidas!

I always pair them with glittering bangles / layering necklaces / scarves (perfect to hide unwanted cleavage) AND super high heels for events / parties.

Maroon tennis dress by Stella McCartney for adidas

Baby blue tennis dress by adidas Kids (really!)

Purple tennis dress by adidas from Ana Ivanovic range

They might be from a couple of seasons ago but if you are lucky, you might still get them from smaller adidas outlets.

.  .  .  .  .  .

Love, plenty of cheese and all things girly today!

• Starbucks Live & Inspire (Bangsar Village II)

I was really nervous before the event as I felt like a tiny ant compared to their past guests.

I second guessed myself that night, did all this people show up because of me? I was close to turning the hour long talk to a yoga session (well, I partly did) but the crowd was so attentive and supportive that I felt the hour passed by really quickly.

Before I knew it, I made everyone remember

Photos from www.liveandinspire.com

Thank you Live & Inspire team, Starbucks and Bangsar Village II for having thought of me as someone who is actually inspiring in your book.

• adidas Stella McCartney Spring / Summer ‘10 event (rooftop Lot 10)

This is not one of the biggest events in my life (since it is not an event for me / I organize) but any adidas event is a big event for me.

I arrived fashionable late and regretted it as I realised I was the only adidas ambassador having 11 camera crews (thank you Kyanite & Project Alpha) recording my arrival and following me the whole event!

Since I couldn’t spot any adidas male ambassadors with the likes of Jehan Miskin, Henry Golding and Faizal Tahir \o/ around (I only found out later that only female ambassadors were invited!) so I pretzeled the models instead!

My 4-inched heels didn’t even come close to making me half as tall standing beside these superfit models!

Especially when I’m beside Amber Chia who wore flats!

To why I feel like making the next photo my Facebook profile immediately since I am evidently AS TALL AS Amber Chia, Elaine Daly, Yasmin Yusoff and Tengku Azura only in this snap!

Some photos from the event are from Project Alpha Facebook Page

The top I wore is from adidas Stella McCartney Fall / Winter ‘09 collection. Their Summer / Spring ‘10 collection paraded during the event was nothing short from fabulous! I love any adidas by Stella McCartney anything mostly for its vegetarian, no-cruelty-involved and organic principles.

From what I heard, Stella McCartney herself handpicked all the clothes and (vegetarian) food for the event (and all other events involving her line)!

That Friday as I was followed around by 11 camera crews, I got the preview of how ugly reality TV can be. I mean, I am not even a celebrity-celebrity you know what I mean so I thought – I might not be that worthy until..

As I was being interviewed by Jojo Struys alongside the Brand Manager of adidas Malaysia, Jessica Lim, I noticed that my phone rang and it was my ex-boyfriend, the Supertall one.

I hesisantly told her, “It’s my ex-boyfriend” only to be forced psyched into picking up the call and have it put on loudspeaker for the whole Malaysia to hear!

I knew he was somewhere around asking for direction of where the party was as we were supposed to have a meeting together after that so – I picked up the call when they were shooting me as I know I wouldn’t embarrass any of us.

Errr, spoke too soon.

As soon as the camera crews caught his glimpse on Lot 10 rooftop, all 11 of them ran to him to get an interview of “Why did you break up with Ninie Ahmad?”

Poor Supertall!

To know what he had to say (honestly, I am curious too! Can’t you see me eavesdropping?), I guess we all just have to stay tuned and wait for Project Alpha to start showing on hitz.tv (ASTRO Ch705) in April.

Tomorrow I will share the other big event I was telling you about.

Before I get back on my yoga mat in a couple of minutes, if I can bid a special shout and gratitude to Joseph Teoh

who has been my loyal plus one for both events mentioned in this post and hopefully for many more to come.

Love and three-stripes of light.

Having said that though, there are some yoga accessories that help me outperform myself when I am on my mat:

• adidas yoga socks

Aren’t they the prettiest thing to be wrapped around our feet while we yoga?

(To avoid disappointments, these yoga socks are no longer sold in stores and they were not sold separately. They came together with a pair of adidas yoga shoes five seasons ago, if I’m not mistaken).

I first wore them in public for a Partner Yoga performance at Berjaya Times Square last July. Paired together, we caused quite a stir

(Top and pants from adidas Techfit Powerweb)

(Azmi: Pants from adidas Techfit Powerweb, Ninie: Top from adidas by Stella McCartney, pants from adidas Techfit Powerweb)

They are also the same pair seen in this adidas Play Yoga campaign featuring adidas’ Global Yoga Ambassador and my personal mentor, Rainbeau Mars.

• Yogitoes®

Yogitoes is a super-absorbent towel with Skidless® technology silicone beads on one side to provide a hygienic layer between us and the yoga mat or any exercise equipment. Skidless® Yogitoes® is patented and designed to prevent slipping while practicing or stretching and I tell you now – not only it works, it is a must-have yoga thingamajig!

I personally use Yogitoes for drishti (focus point; each Yogitoes is equipped with a visible focal point at the top centre of the towel) and hygiene purposes (I mind lying down on other people’s dried sweat). When you have Yogitoes, you don’t need to bring your own yoga mat to practice providing your yoga centre / gym provides yoga mat (I used to teach at a famous gym that does not provide suitable mats for their yoga classes!).

Yogitoes come in many irresistible colours to choose from, and many is an understatement.

If you check out their (funky!) website, they have all seven Chakra colours (root, sacrum, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, crown), four Earth colours (moss, sand, stone, loam), five Chinese Elements colours (water, fire, earth, wood, metal), selected Deity colours (limited edition: black, red, brown, gold and turqoise with gold thread) and even exclusive Breast Cancer and Rape Awareness Yogitoes!

I always kid around before my classes start that – I judge my students according to the colour of their Yogitoes almost like Taekwando belts; to why I make sure BE Yoga teachers use Limited Edition Black Yogitoes!

Azmi & I on Crown (Chakra) and Kali Ma (Deity) Yogitoes respectively during Earth Hour 2009

For someone who is ‘on the mat’ o n a highly-regular basis and will never be seen wearing yoga gears that are not colour-coordinated, I had fooled myself into buying and collecting these Yogitoes in as many colours as I can – to match my yoga outfits (and don’t get me started on how extensive and colourful my yoga outfit wardrobe is)!

Orange Yogitoes from Chakra collection representing Sacrum (Detoxification) helps me stay focused during hips openers & deep twists that extend my creativity and keep my reproductive system healthy

It doesn’t help me that BE Yoga is the only yoga centre in KL & PJ that sells Yogitoes in almost every colour, collection and fairly priced!

And yes, good things don’t come free, or even cheap for that matter. These Yogitoes are priced between RM238 to RM288 each (they are available at Yogitoes website too, priced between USD60 to USD66 each – not including shipping fee, of course. Kindly compare the prices online to understand why it costs a toe!).

So I have to eat my own words k-a-n?

‘If I can live without buying it, don’t buy it.’

‘If I breathe fine without it, don’t use it.’

Errr, I will settle for collecting all the Chakra-coloured (since I am undergoing Seven Chakra Levels of ra’Yoka TTC, yes?) Yogitoes on top of the ones I already have. For now

Love, light and pretty yogi toes today.